– Why did we actually break up? – he asked me between one bite of his burger and another.
We were discussing relationships, the good ones and the bad ones, and it just came up.
When we were together, we were definitely one of the good ones. A good team, hardly ever arguing, and when we were, we wouldn’t stay angry for long and it all went back to normal. We talked a lot, spent a lot of time together, but we trusted each other, so when one wanted to go out on their own, the other didn’t mind. Overall, it was good.
For a moment, I was confused by the question. So much so that I had to think about it for a moment. Why did we?
Well, after our first breakup, something’s changed. Mainly because I stopped worrying so much about what he thinks, which in turn meant I stopped toning down my looks and opinions for him. Needless to say, he was not too happy about it, and I was not ready to go back to how things were before. So we just kept on going, still a good team, still a happy(ish) couple, but somewhere deep inside, I knew it won’t work in the long run. He liked me more timid, I like myself the way I am now. Other matters aside, there was no way around this one.
I think there are people out there who can sacrifice much for the sake of a good relationship. People who don’t mind having a tiny bit less freedom, because it’s not a lot to pay for being with someone they love. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But I’m not wired like this. I think I’m a bit like the people described in this article. According to a recent survey, “if you shy away from hurt and drama, or have what psychologists call high “avoidance social goals” (i.e. you try at all costs to avoid conflict), then a single life is likely to bring more contentment.” And, as the author notices, life spent alone can be liberating.
There is something to it. I noticed that, ever since our breakup, I’m a bit more calm and less nervous. So I guess I made the right decision.